Though I wrote a bit on the happy event of Frugal Son getting a job and setting up a mini-household in a tiny New Orleans apartment, I did not write about a sad event. The death--not unexpected, but devastating nonetheless--of my much-loved and esteemed father-in-law.
He lived in northern California, near his daughter, in a house full of memories and mementoes of 45 years in a big house in Pasadena. Now, in addition to the emotional issues, we have to face the issues both emotional and pragmatic of what we will take. The other children--in the same town and in Seattle--have already taken their chosen objects.
Nothing is valuable in a monetary sense. But my in-laws were great makers and collectors of objects: handmade crafts of my mother-in-law (some of whose sweaters I posted in the early days of this blog), furniture built by my father-in-law, plus collections of bells, glassware, etc etc.
And the books! My father-in-law, an English professor, had, I would say, one of the most beautiful minds I have ever encountered. He also had a house full of books: poetry, music theory, and Roman history make up the bulk of it. Do I need to mention that Mr FS shares his father's profession and love of the first two categories.
Mr FS will have to go through the process of deciding what to take and what to leave behind. Does anyone have any advice--even a reference to some good books on the topic--of how to deal with the pragmatics of moving many small and a few largish objects?
Any words of experience would be much appreciated.
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Oh, dear, I've been through this process twice (mother-in-law and father), and it was stressful both times. I don't really have much advice to give, mostly just sympathy.
With regard to the books, I rarely advise giving books to a library because most people's books are not suitable, as I'm sure you already know. We really don't need textbooks from the 1970's, let alone the 1950's. However, in the case of someone like your dear FIL, you may want to query a library. I once worked for one of the newer branches of the Cal State system that had purchased the collection of an English professor. This man had an enormous book collection that reflected his wide-ranging interests and good taste. The university added many of the books to fill in classics that it didn't have because of its youth.
Find a good auctioneer to help you with the things you don't want.
Good luck.
Adding that I reread your post and realized I answered a question you did not ask. I'm sorry to say I have no advice on moving objects. We have used the Postal Service with good results. Mostly, we've transported items home from my mother"s house by car after visiting her. This may not be practical for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have much advice for the moving of large objects, but I have had a number of friends who have dealt with moving significant book collections by sending them through the USPS via parcel post.
I don't have anything to answer your questions - but justwant to say that I'm really sorry for your loss and your familiy's loss.
I've no similar experience, having not left Oklahoma before my parents and grandparents were deceased. Some ideas off the top of my head include:
- drive there and bring back a rented trailer, ie Uhaul
- get estimates from moving companies for boxing and shipping to your home
- leave selected items in the garage/attic of trusted family members or friends you will visit in future and take home piecemeal
- check out Uship...just came up in a google search
An even bigger challenge may be finding a place in your home for these items once they are there. Unless you are prepared to make space, there is no point it collecting the items to start of course.
I don't know if you or your husband is as sentimental as I am, but try to remember that the things are just the things, not pieces of your F-i-L. I have found this particularly difficult to grasp in the middle of grieving.
For any books he really wants to keep, media mail is inexpensive to ship printed materials.
It's difficult to deal with winding up a household and a life. You always tend to say "yes" to too many things when it's the memories that you treasure more than the stuff.
I don't have much experience with dismantling a household, but I'm sorry for your loss.
Well, I can say that I empathize with you. Naturally my condolences to your family.
Our family is exactly in the same position as you are right now. The MILs apartment has to be cleared. She actually has two apartments.
None of the sons want anything. And our family is downshifting and decluttering all the time.
After my mother´s death, the local library took the books. The nurse closest to her, bought all her furniture for a minor sum of money. One of her friends accepted her fur coat. She had donated her worthy jewelry to my daughters earlier.
And the rest - dumped.
The MIL has a terrible amount of clothes and linens, some locals have already asked to have them (! ).
Daughter M is driving over next weekend to look if there is anything she wants to have.
I don´t want anything, dot.
So my suggestion: Donate, there are lots of those who really might need something.
Oh dear, Dear Frugal, I am so sorry.
We used a "pack and ship" service when dismantling my mother's apt. (Was not feeling up to self-pack) for some antique chairs and a few other items. I am not sure what is "largish".
Greyhound also accepts some packages, see GreyhoundPackageXpress for size, weight and value limitations.
If larger than those two types of carrier will accept (such as a desk or bed), call a moving van line to get an estimate for conveying a small load. (It takes forever but it will get there.) Or he might rent a U-Haul and drive it back, or hire someone to do it. (We did this with furniture from my parent's main house, hiring two of my nephews, as it was a cross-USA trip.)
It is hard to part with things you grew up with, but 90% of Mom's household things were donated to her church's charity shop. In hindsight, donated a few things that wish I'd kept- but when we are grieving we should not hold ourselves to ultra-high standards.
I
Oh dear, Dear Frugal, I am so sorry.
We used a "pack and ship" service when dismantling my mother's apt. (Was not feeling up to self-pack) for some antique chairs and a few other items. I am not sure what is "largish".
Greyhound also accepts some packages, see GreyhoundPackageXpress for size, weight and value limitations.
If larger than those two types of carrier will accept (such as a desk or bed), call a moving van line to get an estimate for conveying a small load. (It takes forever but it will get there.) Or he might rent a U-Haul and drive it back, or hire someone to do it. (We did this with furniture from my parent's main house, hiring two of my nephews, as it was a cross-USA trip.)
It is hard to part with things you grew up with, but 90% of Mom's household things were donated to her church's charity shop. In hindsight, donated a few things that wish I'd kept- but when we are grieving we should not hold ourselves to ultra-high standards.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
Depending on the size and quantity of items you would like shipped, Greyhound has a point to point services. This allows you to drop off and pick up at a greyhound locations. The cost is very reasonable.
Again depending on the quantity, a rentable pod might work. The company drops off a pod which you then pack and they will ship it to your destination.
Thanks to all for your kind words and good advice. Some ideas--like Greyhound option--were new to us.
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